| most of my thoughts about church and jesus will be moved to here: "conversations with benrey". thank you.
ben rey |
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| well i guess what i really desire is a community that seeks to be transparent with each other all the time. but thats virtually impossible unless it is small enough where that can happen. but then at the same time i want more than just 6 people to be in my community. i want all my friends and all the people i love to be there. i want everyone! i want a community of 50 people who are all willing to love, live, and die for each other. but is that too idealistic? i know you can get 6 people to that point but that takes months. how long would it take for even 20 people? plus people come and go especially at our age! i should be in more prayer but i find my thinking turns off my prayer. but thats ok. i just need more discipline. ok i digress. so i guess what i want is idealistic and rather impossible but at the same time my soul (i think its my soul) tells me it would be awesome and that it can happen. so which is it? and how does this work? jesus...you gotta tell me. |
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| this community is great because my own personal ideas are always changed and re-arranged. it is not one individual determining the path of the community....rather it is the groupe changing and moving as we talk and come up with ideas. and last night i had a dream that totally confirmed things in the long run. hope has returned and i hope it lasts. now what do i do about this summer? and questions of exclusivity are still present. but its good...perfection cannot exist in a church. |
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| so tonight we are having a meeting about starting a church. and for some reason i am not too excited about it. i should be pumped because this is what i spend my time dreaming, thinking and sometimes praying about (just realized i need to do more of that). i guess its a pretty wild idea but dare i say that i feel like i was put on this earth for something like this. i dont know if this is the community i am going to spend the rest of my life with but i sure hope so. i guess i am really scared of what other people think. i think that is the root of my fear.
my good friend rick said last night, "aren't there enough churches in chicago?" and that is a very good statement. there are a lot of churches in chicago...i guess...i really dont know. but chicago is a big city so i am sure. but maybe i dont really here about churches rockin the city and changing the city that i want to do this church thing. i dont want to assume that i can do this better than any other church because that would just be pride from someone who has not even hit 21 yet. ok i am 20 and attempting this church thing....ridiculous yes. but i feel necessary. so what is so special about our idea of church that requies something new? well i guess one big thing is that we all feel a bit ostracized by traditional church. none of us really grew up in the "church", we all have body piercings and tattoos and a lot of us would love it if we became rock stars. we have a desire for community and for evangelisim. we dont wont to be a "niche" community but we want to be real with who we are and what we are doing. so i guess its necessary to start because we want to be in community with each other. is that selfish because we dont just want to split up and find seperate churches? i dont know. but we will find out.
oh and next friday we are having church. because we are tired of talking and its time for doing. if you live in the north suburbs of chicago let me know and you should come and give us input because the "church" will look like what the people who attend look like. got it? thanks. and definitly....
Lord in Your mercy.... |
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